


Symbiosis

by Andromakhe



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Family, Fluff, Gen, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-05-02 20:42:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5262887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromakhe/pseuds/Andromakhe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Companion piece to "Again" and set after "Casey Jones VS The Underworld." Splinter visits his sleeping sons, deciding that since they have their old home back, it's time he told his boys what they mean to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Legacy

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place after "Casey Jones VS The Underworld." Apologies in advance for OOCness, cuddles, and desperate wish fulfillment. I hope people enjoy this anyway. They’re never going to go this in-depth in the show.

Splinter was happy to be back in their old home. Only Miwa was missing, but at least she was alive. It would definitely be nice to have his own space again. He was sure his sons felt the same. After a tiring day of cleaning and rescuing Casey, the reckless yet caring boy, his children had gone to bed earlier than usual. He wouldn’t mind retiring, either, but first, he had to check on them. Those boys endangered themselves so much. Today, he needed to know they were safe.

Entering Mikey’s messy room, Splinter frowned. He’d have to tell him to clean up again. Mikey was cuddling his bear against his chest with some of his blanket between his legs and his knees bent. Splinter leaned across Mikey and touched his carapace gently before kissing his forehead. Mikey moaned a little, a hand reaching toward Splinter’s face, but Splinter stepped back out of reach and clutched the hand in his own. Mikey gave a sleepy smile. "Ya wanna hug?" he slurred, partially opening his eyes.

Splinter chuckled. "Please?"

Mikey blinked. He hadn’t been expecting that reply. He froze in disbelief, but then grinned and sat up, arms reaching for Splinter.

Splinter crouched beside Mikey’s bed and hugged him around the middle while Mikey held him by the shoulders and nuzzled his cheek affectionately. Splinter stroked Mikey’s carapace lovingly and whispered near his ear. "I love you, my son. Keep laughing."

Mikey stiffened, blinking again, suddenly wanting to cry. Why was Sensei saying that? Was he sad? Did he think he would die soon? Mikey let go and sat back on his bed to focus on Splinter. "What’s wrong, Sensei?" he asked timidly.

Splinter sighed, and Mikey didn’t miss his sad frown. "Nothing is wrong, my son. I just…wanted to ensure you knew you matter to me."

"Awww, Sensei," Mikey crooned, "of course, I know. 'Cause I love you. So how could you not love me? You faced down Leatherhead when he went out of his mind 'cause we were getting hurt. I already know, Sensei." Mikey leaned forward and patted Splinter’s shoulder reassuringly.

"Michelangelo, I often forget how insightful you can be. Your brothers and I - we tend to underestimate you. Thank you, my son. Knowing you know greatly eases my heart."

"It’s great to hear once in a while," Mikey said around a stifled yawn, lying back on his pillow. "And if I didn’t already say it, I love you, too." He smiled shyly at Splinter before closing his eyes.

Splinter’s heart filled with so much tenderness. He knew there was a reason he chose to check on Michelangelo first. He was the most receptive to open displays of emotion and it was easiest for Splinter to just do what he felt with him. He didn’t have to worry about making Michelangelo feel awkward or even disgusted. "Good night, Michelangelo. Thank you for your gentleness." With a pat to Mikey’s carapace, he left the room, but not before a clear, if quiet, "G’night, Dad" reached his sensitive ears.

Splinter looked in on Donnie next. He was snoring steadily, stretched out on his stomach with his head facing away from the door. Since Donnie only really used his room for sleeping or in times of emotional distress, there wasn’t much to it. Donnie didn’t even have an extra chair, as Leo and Raph had. Splinter hated to wake him when he sounded so relaxed. He knew how hard Donnie worked for the family and every second of rest would be valuable to him. It wasn’t as though what he had to say couldn’t wait. He settled for Squeezing Donnie’s shoulder firmly and leaving the room. He’d find time to talk to him later. Unbeknownst to Splinter, the sound of Donnie’s door closing, and then Mikey’s, as well as Raph’s being opened, broke through Donnie’s slumber.

Entering Raph’s room, Splinter sat on the chair already next to the bed. Raph was facing his door, also sprawled on his stomach. He was snoring softly. Splinter knew Raph didn’t enjoy being woken up before he was ready. But at the same time, seeing Raph so unguarded and peaceful prompted a surge of tenderness Splinter never fully allowed himself to feel when Raph was awake. It wasn’t that Splinter loved Raph less. But Raph didn’t really appreciate being coddled the way Mikey or even Leo did. Granted, sometimes Leo didn’t like too much fussing, but he always appreciated that he was loved enough that someone wanted to take care of him. It just embarrassed Raph. Nevertheless, Splinter felt it at this moment and since Raph was asleep, he acted on it. He reached out and caressed Raph’s cheek slowly, resting his fingers there until he bent down and kissed it. A low, warning growl emitted from Raph’s throat before the back of Raph’s hand connected with Splinter’s chest. Splinter gasped a little, startled, and then chuckled in amusement. "I suppose I had that coming, my son."

Raph sat up quickly, eyes flying open in a panic. "Sensei, I…I didn’t…I’m so sorry…" Raph hid behind his hands, mortified.

"I am lucky you were not fully awake and thus in a position to employ more of your considerable muscle," Splinter said kindly, smiling and patting Raph on the leg affectionately.

Raph lowered his hands, smiling appreciatively at the flattery. It was a cheap trick, Raph knew, but…well…he liked it, anyway.

"My son, I did not intend to wake you. It has been a while since I have done this sort of thing, hasn’t it? Looking in on you boys."

"Yeah," Raph nodded. "You were the last person I was expecting to be touching me. Was afraid it might be a roach or something. Your whiskers."

"I do not appreciate being compared to a roach, my son. I may not fear them, but I do not like them." Splinter’s tone was one of wounded dignity.

"Nah, Sensei. I didn’t mean…Awww, man," Raph grumbled.

"My spy roaches are pretty useful, though," Donnie said quietly from the doorway.

"Hello, Donatello," Splinter greeted, beckoning Donnie inside. "Your ingenuity always astounds me. I think you’ve outdone yourself and then you go and prove me wrong. Consistently. You are determined and dedicated to your goals, and that is inspiring. I am sorry I cannot appreciate your brain the way you deserve, but I do appreciate your results very much. Our life here at home is comfortable because of you. Thank you."

Donnie smiled softly, blinking hard. He bowed low and sat on Raph’s bed beside him, Splinter moving the chair to sit a little further back and across from both of them. "I’m…I’m happy to be of service," Donnie murmured, almost timidly.

Splinter squeezed Donnie’s hand and let it go, placing his hands on his knees as he met Raph’s envious gaze.

"Raphael, do you not agree with me? Don’t you think Donatello deserves appreciation?"

"What? For all the times his experiments go wrong? No," Raph said decisively.

Donnie’s face fell.

"Raphael!" Splinter scolded.

Raph looked at Donnie’s sad face and guilt stabbed his heart. "Ah, quit that, genius. You know there’s no way I could do what you do. You make so much stuff for the team, too. Does make our job a heck of a lot easier, bro."

Donnie offered a dim smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"Come on, bro. That’s not good enough. I’m sorry, all right? For what I said. You have skills we need, and I’m smart enough to know that."

Donnie’s smile widened fractionally but brightened considerably.

Splinter nodded to Raph in approval, and Raph nodded at Donnie.

"Raphael, I actually woke you up to thank you as well. Or rather, I looked in on you and Donatello intending to do so and then thinking better of it. However, since you two are awake, you made the decision for me."

This got Raph’s attention. He was curious, even leaning forward a bit.

"Raphael," Splinter began, meeting his intense green eyes unflinchingly, "I need you to know that despite how much I scold you, I still love you. I need you to know that your loyalty to this family, even to me, does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. And finally, I like and approve of your sense of justice, your desire to use your skills to protect people and not to take advantage of them. You have enough strength to do much harm, but you do not. Well, usually, unless you count hitting Michelangelo."

"Hey. Mikey can be obnoxious. And embarrassing," Raph argued. "And don’t forget the times I’ve broken stuff."

"And hurt people," Donnie put in.

"Hey, bro," Raph scowled, "what more do you want from me? I tried to apologize."

"I’m not talking about now, Raph. I just mean generally. Not to diminish what Sensei has said about you or anything." Donnie coughed, his tone sarcastic.

"What?" 

"Never mind," Donnie muttered irritably. "Sensei, can I go back to sleep?"

Splinter sighed. "Of course, my son. I suppose I had the right idea before to speak to you all separately."

Donnie and Raph flinched simultaneously. "Sensei, we-" Donnie began.

"Sorry, Sensei," Raph muttered at the floor.

"Um, for what it’s worth, Raph, the stuff about loyalty, fairness, and caring about you despite your temper and other flaws is all true. You’re not the only one with flaws, and love is about caring in spite of them."

Raph was speechless. That was probably as close to a direct declaration of love he’d ever get from Donnie. Leo and Mikey were freer with kind words, though they normally just settled for hugging him, which he secretly cherished with all his heart. He didn’t understand why when he tried to return the favor, Leo and Mikey were awkward. He pulled Donnie against him with one arm. Donnie stiffened in response, even pulling away a little, but when Raph wouldn’t let go, he tentatively slung his arm around Raph’s shell and squeezed. Raph hugged back and let go, and Donnie stood up and stopped at Splinter’s shoulder in case his presence was still required. He saw a look of bitter anguish in Raph’s eyes before they hardened, and Splinter’s frown suggested he’d seen it, too.

Splinter reached out and touched Raph’s shoulder, but he pulled it away violently, glaring at his bed. Instead of giving up, however, Splinter moved the chair close to the bed and pulled Raph into a firm embrace. Raph growled, pushing against Splinter’s shoulder, but Splinter held on. Finally, Raph wrapped his arms around Splinter’s torso and held him fiercely, burying his head against the fur of his neck. Splinter continued to hold him until Raph released him, staring at Splinter with a look of amazed gratitude, which Donnie also saw. Splinter nodded acknowledgement, stood up, and embraced Donnie, just as firmly but not for so long. 

Raph and Donnie looked at each other and sidelong at Splinter, who currently stood between them so that Raph was off to his right and Donnie to his left. Donnie approached Raph and whispered to him. Exchanging a nod, they said, "We love you, Sensei."

Splinter smiled, serene and happy, as Raph stood up and bowed to him. He and Donnie backed out of Raph’s room as Raph waved at them and lay back on his pillow, his lips quirking upward before Splinter closed the door softly. Donnie returned to his room as Splinter opened Leo’s door.


	2. Leadership

Splinter stood in Leo’s doorway, hesitant. So many emotions assaulted him - pride, sorrow, regret, need, love. Leo was special to him. He loved all of his sons but Leo was more his equal than the others. Splinter depended on Leo, trusted him absolutely, and knowing without a doubt that Leo was permanently changed - scarred - by his experiences at the Shredder’s hands drove home his own failure to either ensure the Shredder could never hurt him again or to aid Leo in the fight. He picked up the chair at Leo’s desk and put it by the bed soundlessly, sitting down and resting a hand on Leo’s shoulder. Leo’s head was turned toward him as he lay motionless on his back, breathing deep and rhythmic. Splinter sat still, reassuring himself that Leo was alive beside him and not imprisoned or killed. The hand on Leo’s shoulder moved to tenderly caress his cheek once before stilling and remaining against it. Splinter lay hunched over the bed, his head resting on the edge within easy reach of one of Leo’s hands. Tears trickled from Splinter’s eyes, dampening the sheets. He was not precisely sobbing, but he was definitely crying. When Leo’s hand patted his cheek, Splinter didn’t raise his head. When Leo touched the back of the hand resting on his own cheek, Splinter still stayed down. But when Splinter felt Leo beginning to lift his head, Splinter lifted his head enough to shake it and say softly, "No, my son. Sleep" before lowering it again.

"Sensei," was Leo’s hoarse reply. "What’s wrong?"

Splinter sat up and Leo propped himself on an arm on his pillow. He found he couldn’t articulate it.. His heart ached - ached with a grief too bitter to measure. But he finally managed to explain. "I failed you," he whispered, strained and mournful, "I failed you all."

Splinter saw a raw pain in Leo’s expression. The boy - the young man - understood precisely. That kind of agony could only come from personal experience.

Taking a deep breath, Leo sat up, wiping at his eyes with part of his blanket before enfolding Splinter in a gentle, comforting hug. Splinter lay his muzzle against Leo’s shoulder as tears began to fall again. Leo patted Splinter’s back and rubbed it soothingly, Splinter’s body jerking now and then with unvocalized sobs. Leo’s arms tightened around him, shifting so that Splinter was fully against his chest. When Splinter began to calm, Leo touched his cheek to Splinter’s head and loosened his hold, though his arms stayed around him.

Finally, Splinter sat upright in the chair and Leo reclined against the wall with his pillow behind his shell. He looked sideways at Splinter, who was dabbing at his eyes with some tissues from the box on Leo’s nightstand, and looked away again. But Splinter began to speak to him, making him look at him directly.

"Thank you, Leonardo. You have always been observant and keenly intuitive. I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"Not at all," Leo answered smoothly. "I know that anguish all too well. There’s really nothing else you can do but get angry, sad, or both."

Splinter took Leo’s hand and squeezed it, gratitude plain to see. But gratitude changed to pensiveness, and then frustration. "Leonardo, I came in here intending to show you love and kindness, and instead, I’ve woken you up and used you. This…"Splinter turned away, let go of Leo’s hand, sighed in annoyance. He turned back to Leo. "My deepest apologies, my son. Return to sleep." He stood to leave.

Leo lay down, eyes closing as Splinter left the room. But he knew all was not well. His father, because that’s who was crying on his shoulder, was hurting, and hurting deeply if Leo knew anything about the guilt and shame of failing to be a good leader. To Leo, leadership and fatherhood were just about the same. Of course, Leo knew he couldn’t understand completely, but he was sure he understood enough. And his father needed him now - perhaps more than he could express in words.

Standing and stretching, Leo headed for the kitchen. Splinter wasn’t there, but no matter. Leo assumed he’d be in his room. He brewed tea and carried it with a couple mugs on a tray. There was no need for sugar because neither of them used any. Leo knocked a corner of the tray carefully against Splinter’s door frame. He got no reply, but it didn’t matter. Leo was going in anyway, regardless of whether Splinter was asleep or didn’t want company. No one should be alone in the mood Leo knew his father was in.

Entering the room, Leo set the tray on the familiar table he often shared with Splinter, by now a ritual for them. Splinter was on his stomach, but he acknowledged Leo with a raised hand and a nod. Leo closed the door slowly and sat on a cushion, pouring himself some tea. When Leo looked up, Splinter was across from him, waiting for Leo to relinquish the pot. Instead, Leo poured Splinter his tea and pushed it toward him, setting the pot in the middle of the tray. They sipped carefully, not speaking, though Leo wore a quizzical expression.

"Tea was a good idea," Splinter finally offered. "I am not sure I wish to talk, but it helps to have you here."

Leo nodded and smiled, understanding how that felt as well. Talking about such indescribable emotion took courage, strength, and time. Sometimes all that was needed was to know someone cared enough to stay close.

They finished their first mugs in a silence that was peaceful, yet awkward, because Splinter knew Leo wanted an explanation and Leo wanted to fix the problem. But how to begin? Splinter didn’t wish to address his failure at the moment. He had also already heard about Leo’s ordeal when they were separated, as well as his months of recovery. So Splinter chose to say what he’d come to say originally.

"Leonardo, my son, you are aware I have always depended on you to ensure that your brothers were all alive and accounted for when I had to leave the lair. Now, when you boys endanger yourselves for the sake of friends and strangers alike, I rely on you to keep your head and to make wise decisions concerning the clan's safety. Thus far, you have never let me down. Even now, though I told you to rest, you are here because you sense a distressed clan member. At least, that is why I think you are here."

"Hai, Otousan," Leo confirmed.

"You carry a heavy burden. You have said so and I know it to be true. I am sorry for adding to it now. The truth is, Leonardo, you have always been my support. I need you in ways I cannot trust your brothers with. You know them. I do not need to enumerate the reasons."

Leo snorted, smirking. Splinter chuckled. Both shook their heads simultaneously, Leo adding an annoyed eye roll. Splinter winked and offered his own crooked smile.

Leo took this opportunity to get more tea and to take a long gulp. Splinter followed his example.

"When it comes down to it, Leonardo, I did not know how much I needed another leader to talk to until I appointed you. And suddenly, your gripes about your unruly brothers, your worries and fears and frustration, your sorrow and triumph and failure - all these things were at once echoes of my own and uniquely yours. 

"I do not know how to say what I feel, but I think, I hope, you understand. Our responsibilities are many, personal sacrifices numerous, our rewards deep and indelible. Would you agree?"

"Yes, Father," Leo said seriously.

"I cannot speak to your brothers so candidly. I do not think they would really grasp all the implications. I did not tell them of my shame." Splinter began to stroke the back of one of Leo’s hands absently. He kept stroking it as he collected himself, focusing on them as he spoke. "I gave up on you all. I abandoned you to become orphans. If April had not been able to reach me, perhaps I would have remained a rat until I died. I did not believe you boys could be alive and you all needed me. 

"I failed to protect you from the Shredder. I was not there to help you. You are forever scarred and have paid the price for my mistake. Leonardo, I have failed you and your brothers as a father. How do you still call me that?" Splinter finally lifted his eyes to Leo's, trying to convey his confusion.

"You’re the only father we have," Leo said matter-of-factly. "But more than that, I never once blamed you for anything you said. Last I remember, you were busy with the Kraang when the Shredder ambushed me. The others say they saw you thrown into a drain and honestly thought you were probably dead, too. Mikey, April and I clung to what hope we could. The other three assumed the worst. 

"But look," Leo said firmly, meeting Splinter’s eyes directly, "I understand guilt, and I know that no matter what I say, you're still going to feel it. So I offer forgiveness instead. I'm assuming an apology is implied here and that absolution is what you need. If I'm wrong, do correct me.

"I might be forever changed because of the Shredder, but I’m still your son. I am confident in this. You say you talked to me because we’re leaders, because I’d get it. Well, if I’m still your son, you’re still my father. You have never forsaken me when I’ve failed. In fact, you’ve always tried to comfort me. Far be it from me to repay you with accusation and blame." It was Leo’s turn to stroke Splinter’s hand. 

"Leonardo, you are even wiser now than you were before the invasion. I look at you and I see a young man. Was it difficult for you, for your brothers, to be without me? You know it nearly killed me to have lost you all."

Leo inhaled slowly, exhaled long and audibly. "We learned to manage on our own, but there was a perpetual…gloom. We didn’t know for sure what had become of you, so we couldn’t really come to terms with anything. It was an unresolved issue left in limbo. But we are fortunate we were together. I’m sure if we had been alone, as you were, we’d have broken, too."

Splinter nodded, grimacing. Leo frowned apologetically for his choice of wording. They poured the last of the tea into their mugs and sipped the tepid drink, deciding simultaneously that it really wasn’t worth the effort after all. They just weren’t thirsty enough to tolerate it.

Splinter turned aside and covered a big yawn with a hand, shaking himself and stretching tiredly. Leo was watching in concern, eyes darting to Splinter’s bed. Turning back, Splinter said, "Excuse me, Leonardo. I regret that I cannot speak further with you at the moment."

But Leo was at Splinter’s side, nudging him toward his bed with a gentle smile. "It doesn’t matter about me. Do you feel better?"

"I am greatly comforted." Splinter smiled just as warmly, opening his arms to Leo. They hugged a second time, this one expressing understanding, devotion, trust, and a unique bond that only kindred spirits could attain. "Thank you for being my strength and my refuge. I am humbled by your selflessness and in awe of your balance. I love you, my son."

"Father," Leo whispered, and Splinter heard the beginnings of tears.

Splinter nuzzled Leo’s cheek and kissed it softly, then released him and lay on his side, tail curled around his body. He sighed contentedly as Leo lay a hand briefly against his flank, murmuring a hoarse "I love you" near his ear. The last thing Leo saw before he left the room was his father’s proud smile.


End file.
